How-To Dress Like a Politician

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Election '08 is quickly approaching, and the people of America are feeling the pressure. But beyond the question of who to vote for, there is a more pressing question at hand; what if I just want to look like a candidate? After days of research and asking myself some tough questions, I've come up with the following game plan:

For those who want to look like a more polished version of a college frat boy, perhaps you should try for the Obama look. A white button-up shirt like this one will do just fine, as long as you casually roll up each sleeve. Add a pair of all-American khakis, and clip this stylish cell phone holder onto your belt for a more improved appearance. Finally, insert a Camel light into the corner of your mouth.

For females wanting to dress a candidate, your only choice is Palin. Your first buy should be a jeweled American flag pin like this one. (If you're a lady who wants to dress like the three males in the running, I can't help you.) Of course, the best place to pin this spectacular jeweled sign of American pride is this fabulous suit from the always-fashionable Sears. To top off the whole outfit, add these librarian glasses and these killer heels to show off your legs. Don't forget a few gallons of hairspray.

Biden is known for his style prowess, so to keep up with his VP running mate, he rocks an American flag pin as well. You should wear an average suit, but the key accessory to your Biden outfit should be this tie. If you're going Biden all the way, go here for an excellent hair plug specialist.

If you're feeling "powerful" for an old guy, you should wear the stereotypical "power" clothing like McCain. Pair this "power" suit with this "power" tie, and puff up your cheeks to work towards that prominent double chin. The finishing touch on your McCain outfit should be a back-up cane in case you break a hip.

Disclaimer: I tried to make fun of all four candidates equally, so don't get your panties/whitey tighties/briefs in a bunch. This has nothing to do with political views.