St. Louis' Worst-Dressed Mannequins

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On my weekly "Style on the Streets" quest, I was making my rounds at Chesterfield Mall. Multiple laps and a calf cramp later, I was trying to think of a creative way to make boring jeans and a t-shirt look creative enough for a post. But then I got to thinking about the reason the people in the mall were dressed so horribly in the first place; maybe it wasn't their fault after all. Maybe, just maybe, the reason everyone in the mall was dressed so horribly was because they were styling themselves after all these horribly unstylish mall mannequins.

The lanky, hunch-backed mannequins in that top pic come compliments of Forever21. I know it's a cheap store, but that still doesn't explain why someone who worked there thought that bald babes with hippie headbands and sunglasses would be a good look for the store.

There is nothing stylish about these headless wonders at Body Central. They look super sloppy, even for fake people, and their outfits don't really match. If that's the look that the store's shoppers are supposed to be styling themselves after, it's no wonder I couldn't find a decent subject for Style on the Streets.

I expected Dillards to have a better handle on styling their mannequins than some of the teeny bopper boutiques in the rest of the mall, but I was sadly mistaken. A shiny silver astronaut jacket and a bold plaid skirt should never be accented with polka dot rain boots, and even without the boots, this lil' lady is a disaster.

And then there's this skanky little number from Wet Seal. There are so many things wrong with this mannequin (and every other one in the store for that matter), that I don't even know where to start. Hoochie shorts with tacky matching "sunglasses" aren't what you want being featured in a store front, and it looks like someone threw up on that belt. Kelly Kapowski called...she wants her sixth grade school picture outfit back.

Last, but certainly not least, we have the scantily clad mannequins at Hollister. It's hard to be disgusted with young teens for dressing inappropriately when the focal point of some of their favorite stores imply that keeping your clothes on is a drag. Why else would Mr. Mannequin be getting in touch with his inner Matthew McConaughey? And why else would little Miss Mannequin's tank top be sliding off her shoulder as she stands there with her pants unbuttoned?

Lesson learned - styling yourself after mall mannequins probably isn't a way to get yourself featured in Style on the Streets.