Corny Jokes Because Mondays Suck

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Great. Another Monday. A Monday after (possibly) being off for the holidays, which makes it just that much better. On days like these, it's sometimes a little difficult to kick it into gear and put a smile on your face, so I'm going to do what I can to help you out here.

After reading these admittedly corny jokes, hopefully you'll be a less likely to chew out your coworker or yell at the idiot driving in front of you. This is a family-friendly site, which is why a few of my favorites couldn't be included (wink, wink), but I hope that you enjoy them just the same:

• Where does the president keep his armies?
  In his sleevies.
• Why do ducks have webbed feet?
  To stomp out forest fires.
  Why do elephants have big feet?
  To stomp out flaming ducks.
• A senior citizen named Barney was driving down the freeway when his cell phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice . She sounded urgent as she warned him: "Barney I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Highway 40. Please be careful!"
  "Heck," replied Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
• Why don't oysters give to charity?
  Because they're shellfish.
• An insecure guy with a wooden eye walked into a club and asked a very unattractive girl with the start of a mustache to dance.
  "Would I?" the girl asked.
  To which he responded with "hair lip!"
  Get it? Wood eye?
• Two guys walk into a bar,
  the third guy ducks.
• What do you call yourself when you're in the bathroom?
  European!
• How do you make a Kleenex dance?
  You put a little boogy in it.
• Why does the Pillsbury Doughboy wear an apron?
  To hide his doughnuts.
• A fungi walked into a bar and sat down on a toadstool, but the animals all told him to leave.
  "Why?" he asked, "I'm a fun-guy!"

And if you still don't have a smile on your face, perhaps you should offer some "Seafood" to a few of your pals on your lunch break. What's your favorite corny kidder?