About The Author:

St. Louis born and raised. I enjoy hearing from nice people, so if you qualify, shoot me an idea/comment/bored rambling at .

I am also an expert at the Chicken Dance, and I am willing to give lessons for a small fee.
Updated 621 Days ago

Corny Jokes Because Mondays Suck

This archived news story is available only for your personal, non-commercial use. Information in the story may be outdated or superseded by additional information. Reading or replying the story in its archived form does not constitute a re-publiccation of the story.


Great. Another Monday. A Monday after (possibly) being off for the holidays, which makes it just that much better. On days like these, it's sometimes a little difficult to kick it into gear and put a smile on your face, so I'm going to do what I can to help you out here.

After reading these admittedly corny jokes, hopefully you'll be a less likely to chew out your coworker or yell at the idiot driving in front of you. This is a family-friendly site, which is why a few of my favorites couldn't be included (wink, wink), but I hope that you enjoy them just the same:

  • Where does the president keep his armies?
    In his sleevies.
  • Why do ducks have webbed feet?
    To stomp out forest fires.
    Why do elephants have big feet?
    To stomp out flaming ducks.
  • A senior citizen named Barney was driving down the freeway when his cell phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice . She sounded urgent as she warned him: "Barney I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Highway 40. Please be careful!"
    "Heck," replied Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
  • Why don't oysters give to charity?
    Because they're shellfish.
  • An insecure guy with a wooden eye walked into a club and asked a very unattractive girl with the start of a mustache to dance.
    "Would I?" the girl asked.
    To which he responded with "hair lip!"
    Get it? Wood eye?
  • Two guys walk into a bar,
    the third guy ducks.
  • What do you call yourself when you're in the bathroom?
    European!
  • How do you make a Kleenex dance?
    You put a little boogy in it.
  • Why does the Pillsbury Doughboy wear an apron?
    To hide his doughnuts.
  • A fungi walked into a bar and sat down on a toadstool, but the animals all told him to leave.
    "Why?" he asked, "I'm a fun-guy!"

And if you still don't have a smile on your face, perhaps you should offer some "Seafood" to a few of your pals on your lunch break. What's your favorite corny kidder?

Tags:
corny joke laugh smile monday funny humor clean

What do you think?

We want to hear from you! Take five seconds to join ToastedRav.com or log in.
© Copyright 2010 ToastedRav.com and Bonneville International. An Equal Opportunity Employer all rights reserved.